The Affair of the Undergarment
by Shibhon
Summary: Dom finds himself caught in an awkward and troublesome situation, and as he tries to free himself, only digs himself deeper. KD, majorly.
1. The Lingerie Thief

A/N: Say goodbye to writer's block! Ha ha ha ha ha ha aha! Free! Free as a bird! Now I can make mischief once again in the realms of fanfiction! O glory be!  
  
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Tamora Pierce. All I own in this story is the plot. And a breast band. Well, it's not exactly mine, but I made it up, you know? It actually belongs to someone else in the story. Someone female. Well, that's kind of obvious I guess, but... okay, shutting up now.  
  
The Lingerie Thief  
  
I opened my palm and stared at the object with interest as I walked swiftly along. It was a long brass key. I turned the key in my hands and stared at the small owl carved into the end. The artist had made it seem as if the bird were clutching the key ring in its claws. I wondered who had done that for Kel, to make such a nice key for her. The key to her rooms. At least this was something to do on a nothing-to-do day.  
  
While taking a stroll with my companions from the Own, hoping to make some mischief, I happened upon Tobe. He seemed to be in a great hurry. "My Lady needs her riding gloves from her room, but something has just come up! Please Sergeant Dom, could you please go get her gloves for me? Could you please?" What was I supposed to do? The poor kid looked so desperate and he was making sad puppy eyes at me. So, I nodded and he eagerly handed over the key to me, running off into the sunset........ Well, maybe not off INTO the sunset, but you know, in the general direction of it....... Okay, maybe the sun was just rising at the moment, but nobody ever says: And he ran off into the sunrise. That just sounds stupid. Anyway, he'd run off so fast, that he didn't even bother to ask me if I knew where Kel's rooms were. Luckily for him, and for me, I did. However, I'd never actually walked into her rooms. I'd been in her room at Raoul's and New Hope before, but these rooms were newer, and I hadn't until today been invited up.  
  
I slid the key into the lock. A perfect fit. I turned the lock and opened the door. There was a waft of fresh air and spring blossoms when I peaked around the door frame. For a moment I felt my cheeks grow warm, being in Kel's rooms alone, but then I brushed the embarrassment aside, stepped boldly into the room and shut the door behind me with a kick. I jumped at the loud slam that echoed through the halls outside. Maybe a little too enthusiastic with that kick.  
  
With a sour expression, I crossed my arms over my chest and surveyed the room with a mild interest. I noted the private privy, and also a few expensive items that, when I looked, definitely seemed to be gifts from high officials. I smirked, knowing these were probably a discrete thank you for finishing off Blayce and his metal monsters.  
  
Turning about, I took in the decorations. Good taste, I thought. There were a few curious objects that I assumed came from the Yamani Isles, some delicately painted teapots and strange little waving cats that I had seen on numerous occasions, sometimes in the hands of her other friends. Neal had commented on them as well. I picked one up and studied it. 'A strange piece,' I thought. Kel said they were supposed to bring you luck. I smiled at the little cat, and waved back at it. Then, feeling foolish, I set it back and took a cautious look around me.  
  
Remembering my cause for being there, I began to look for Kel's riding gloves. Not an easy task, I assure you. Tobe told me to fetch them, but he'd failed to specify where they were. I assumed that they must be somewhere in the room. It was a good assumption, I thought. I looked on top of her desk, and in all of her drawers without any luck, though I did find a rather comical depiction of myself and Kel sitting on a chicken coop with evil grins, while Neal, with a sour expression on his face, sat trapped inside.  
  
I chuckled, and continued my search. I petted Jump when he happened through the window, and let a couple of the sparrows sit on my shoulder as I looked through Kel's possessions.  
  
It wasn't until I got to her wardrobe that I really started to feel uncomfortable. Pairs of breeches, tunics, and shirts greeted me. It wasn't the fact that these were a woman's garments that unsettled me. It was the fact that they all smelled of Kel, that subtle combination of scents all blended together that could only be detected when you leaned close.   
  
And I liked it.  
  
I loved it.  
  
This is kind of embarrassing, what I did then. I plead temporary insanity. Overcome by that scent of Kel, I leaned into the wardrobe until my face was pressed into cloth, and I breathed in deeply, as if it were my first breath of fresh air in ages. In a way I suppose, it was.  
  
I pulled back and grinned goofily, then frowned. I shook my head vigorously and my eyes went wide in disbelief. I didn't, REALLY, just do that, did I? 'Impossible,' said that little inner voice, 'No way. Unless.....'   
  
"Shut up," I said out loud.  
  
I resumed searching through the clothes for the riding gloves. I know what you're thinking. No, I did not.... do...... that thing... I did... again. So there. No limbs turning to jelly, wistful sighs, or urges to compose love ballads plagued me. I told you, it was temporary insanity. The only reason I did that was because I thought that Kel was....... nice. A very nice person. What? She's NICE, okay? Doves probably dress her in the morning, that's how nice she is! Not that I've watched it first hand, of course.... Stop thinking that I'm an idiot! I am not lovesick! SHE'S JUST REALLY, REALLY, NICE, OKAY?  
  
Thank you. I'm glad we've cleared that up.  
  
Anyway, that's just when I happened upon a long band of cloth with three little hooks at the ends. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was for. It was just a band of cloth, kind of stretchy but sturdy, and a very pale blue colour. I debated on what it was, from a bandage, to an arm band, to a knee brace. Then, I finally gave into temptation again and brought it to my nose to inhale it. It was the same, Kel scent, only this time, the salty tang of sweat was mixed in with it. My brow furrowed and I held it out in front of me to examine it again. I stretched it out and held it at both ends. That's when I noticed that the cloth sagged a little around the middle, in two spots. 'What could make....' I thought. That's when it hit me.   
  
I was holding up Kel's breast band.   
  
I felt colour rise in my cheeks and two conflicting emotions whirled about in my head. One was of horror and embarrassment, and the other was mischief and a small amount of pleasure at the knowledge of what I was holding so tenderly in my hands.  
  
I was so caught between these emotions that I almost failed to notice the slam of the door in the sitting room and quick steps heading toward the bedroom. With a speed I had not known I possessed, I put everything in her wardrobe back in its place and shut the door without a sound. When the door began to open, I turned around to boldly face down whoever was entering. Then I noticed that I still clutched Kel's breast band. Blushing furiously, I stuffed it into the pocket of my breeches.  
  
"Tobe, I just realized that my gloves were right here in my— Dom!" Kel stood frozen in the door frame, looking very surprised indeed. I had managed to keep down my blush and was leaning casually against the desk, looking like my usual loose and carefree self. I hope.  
  
"Hello," I said, allowing myself a smirk. A friendly, teasing smirk, of course. Not the cruel kind. Those smirks give all smirks such a bad name.  
  
Kel blinked. "What are you doing here, Dom?" She looked around behind her and scratched her head. "I expected to see Tobe, I asked him to fetch my--"  
  
"Riding gloves?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Something came up, and Tobe sent me on an errand to fetch them for you." I held up the owl key as proof. "But, obviously, you already found them," I nodded toward the gloves clutched in her hand.  
  
"Yes. I just didn't expect to find you here, standing in my bedroom." She looked me up and down suspiciously. "And looking right at home." I raised an eyebrow and she choked. "Well, that is, you know what I mean." I smiled again, secretly pleased at her blunder.  
  
I took a deep breath. "Well, better be going! Wolset will be wondering where I went."  
  
"Yes, well, it's been nice seeing you again, even if under such," she blushed while searching for the correct words, "unusual circumstances."  
  
I laughed making my way over to her as I flipped her the key. She fumbled for it and ducked her head. When she looked up again, our noses were almost touching. My gaze dropped to her lips for a moment, then met her eyes. "Well, may we meet under unusual circumstances again," I whispered. As I ambled out of the door, leaving her shell-shocked, I allowed a satisfied grin to grace my features.  
  
The grin stayed with until I reached the stairs and noticed the lump in the pocket of my breeches. Full awareness of what I had just done flooded through me. First, I let myself into her rooms without her knowledge or permission. Then, I look through all of her possessions. I have an intimate moment with her entire wardrobe. Then I flirt shamelessly with her, leaving her standing there as I stroll out the door, so casual and comfortable with myself, and all the while I have her lingerie balled up in my pocket!!!!!  
  
'This can't be good', I thought as I made my way to my private sergeant's quarters at the Own barracks, rather than sleeping in my regular bunk. I didn't think I could look anybody in the eye after such an experience. I flopped miserably down on my bed, wallowing in self-loathing. 'She's going to notice that her pretty blue breast band, perhaps her favourite breast band, has gone missing', I cringed. 'She might begin to wonder what I was doing in her bedroom. What if I didn't put things back the way I found them in the wardrobe? She'll suspect me!!!' I tried to calm myself by staring at my boots for several minutes. It worked a little.  
  
Somehow, I worked up the nerve to reach into my pocket and pull out the little scrap of cloth that was the cause of my anxiety. I crossed my legs and set it down on the bed in front of me. Resting my chin on my linked fingers, I studied the cloth for a long moment, my face burning with shame. I reached out a tentative hand to stroke the material. Snatching it back in frustration, I picked up the breast band and stalked over to my clothes chest. I emptied out all the shirts, tunics, breeches and hose until there was nothing left inside. Reaching in, I flicked at a small, unnoticeable catch in the bottom corner and a portion of the wooden bottom popped up. Pushing aside the other letters and keepsakes I'd stashed there, I stuffed in the breast band and shut the compartment with a snap. 'There,' I thought, 'Safe. For the time being.'  
  
A/N: Send me notice if you want me to continue this. I'm not really sure if I want to just yet. I'm not feeling it, ya know? But now I gotta finish it, right? Ya know? Whatever. 


	2. Fear of Discovery

Fear of Discovery  
  
Jump peered out from under the shirt that had landed on his head during Kel's mad search through her wardrobe, wondering what the hell his mistress was doing. Her brow had been furrowed all morning, worrying over something she had lost. Jump didn't know exactly what it was, but he knew it was the fact that she couldn't find the thing more than the loss of it that was bothering her.   
  
Finally Kel straightened and surveyed the chaos that had once been her neat and orderly bedroom. She sighed and ran a hand through her short, mouse brown locks, closing her eyes to think. It wasn't every day that a breastband just disappeared. Where could the damn thing possibly be? It wasn't like she didn't have other breastbands, but it was so hard to find one in such a nice blue, and it certainly couldn't have just jumped up and walked out the window. She'd checked everywhere, now: under the bed, in the wardrobe, under the wardrobe, behind the wardrobe, in the privy, on the bookcase, behind the bookcase, inside the books (where she unfortunately had found only words, and no lingerie), under Jump, on the windowsill, on the ground outside the windowsill, under the sitting room chairs, in the fruit bowl, inside her Yamani teapot, in her traveling chest, behind paintings, and in her desk, but to no avail. The breastband was nowhere to be found.  
  
Jump ambled over, a shirt sleeve flopping over his snout, and gave Kel's hand a reassuring lick. She looked down at him and sighed again with a smile. There was no point in rifling through everything again; she wasn't going to find it when she was this tired.  
  
Kel decided she would clean up the mess in the morning, and simply shucked off her pants and shirt and climbed under the covers in her underclothes. No use getting myself all worked up about it, she thought as she snuggled down, the sparrows settling in beside her. It has to be here somewhere. It's not as if someone just waltzed in and left with it in their pocket.  
  
Kel's sleep was calm and peaceful, but on the other side of the palace, deep within the barracks of the Own, one sergeant slept in fits and starts, his handsome face contorted with worry even in sleep, while a band of blue cloth lay silently in the bottom of the clothes chest at the end of his bed.   
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
When Kel awoke, she was glad she had left the cleaning until morning, as it gave her the chance to look through everything with a fresh mind. Not that it was a fruitful search, though. It left Kel feeling more than a little frustrated, and she decided to do her early morning practices in the practice courts today. When she was feeling so irritated, it was likely she might break something with an overenthusiastic swing.  
  
She was more than a little surprised to spot Dom, whom she'd scarcely laid eyes on since the riding gloves incident. Every time she thought about his little flirtation, she blushed cherry red, though she'd tried desperately to squelch her inner longings. Dom was only fooling around, like he always was. Just like Neal. She repeated this once more to herself as she approached the unsuspecting sergeant as he stood by the weapons rack stretching for his warm up.   
  
Getting closer, Kel found Dom in the most unkempt state she'd ever seen him in: his shirt had been tucked hastily into his breeches, large folds of it hanging out in places, and the laces were undone at his throat. His hair looked bedraggled, and tufts were standing up on end. It looked like he hadn't shaven in days either. Kel wasn't used to seeing him with that dark bristle, as he was very particular about keeping himself clean-shaven. Even on the outings with the Own, every morning he'd be scratching away at his face with a blade. Kel felt colour rise in her cheeks as the thought crossed her mind that the shadow made him look like a roguish pirate or a thief, the kind of clever, witty, and devastatingly handsome character she'd heard about so often in tales the maids told. Smiling mischievously at having caught him in such a state, Kel boldly closed the last few feet between them and tapped him on the shoulder.   
  
Dom turned around quickly and flashed one of his trademark grins when he realized it was her, but not before Kel caught that look of dismay. "Kel! What a surprise! I haven't seen you in ages!"  
  
Kel tried to smile, but failed miserably. "It's been three days, Dom."  
  
"Oh, really?" Dom scratched the back of his tossle-haired head, avoiding her eyes. "Well, an even an hour separated from you seems like weeks, dearest Kel," he said after a moment, a familiar flirtatious twinkle in his eye.  
  
Kel smiled genuinely. "Don't toy with me now, Domitan,"  
  
"I would never do such a thing, Kel," Dom said seriously, his hand over his heart, "tis certain death to tease the Lady with the sword."  
  
Kel looked down at the sharp blade in her hand and raised an eyebrow. "As long as we're here, care for a little practice session?"  
  
Dom grinned.  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
Leaning back against the fence, Kel and Dom both took a drink from the water dipper and wiped sweat from their brows. Kel looked over at Dom, whose hair had now flopped over his eyes, looking more like a bird's nest by the second. She sighed. All through their session, she'd wondered what had been bothering him that he'd so sorely neglected his appearance.   
  
"So," he said, " I thought you always did your morning exercises inside. What brings you to the great outdoors today?  
  
A crooked smile grew on Kel's face as she wiped at the beads of sweat on her lip with her sleeve. "Ah, I just got a little frustrated, that's all, and it's better to release those feelings outside, where less damage can be done."  
  
Dom raised an eyebrow. "Meathead's not bothering you, is he?"  
  
"No, it's just that, I've lost... something, and I just can't seem to find it, no matter how hard I look."  
  
Dom shifted uneasily. "Oh, really? What did you, uh, lose?"  
  
Kel blushed and took another drink of water, not really comfortable with sharing. "Oh, it's silly. It's nothing, really. I can live without it. Besides, I know it's when I'm least expecting it that it'll turn up."  
  
Dom gave her a brief glance, but otherwise kept his gaze fixed on the rising sun. "Isn't that the way? What was it?"  
  
Kel went an even deeper shade of red. "It's not anything you'd be interested in. Just a, uh," Kel coughed, "a feminine thing."  
  
Dom swallowed audibly. "Oh. Sorry to press. I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything."  
  
"It's okay. No harm done."  
  
There was a long silence in which Dom looked at everything but her. It made Kel feel even more uncomfortable than before. "Well," he yawned, "I better get going. It's been nice seeing you again, Protector of the Small." He received a complimentary punch on the arm as a reward, and then they both went their separate ways, eager to leave the awkwardness and embarrassment behind them.   
  
Though they had intended to let their emotions loose in the practice ring, neither got what they wanted.  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
Kel was having supper with Neal when she first noticed Lord Raoul walking toward them with his long strides. He was walking swiftly, and several people jumped to the side to make way for him. When he reached them, he placed both hands on the table and let his shoulders slump a little. "Kel, could you do me a favour?"  
  
Kel sighed and nodded. "Could you just take this letter down to Dom for me?"  
  
She froze and winced, not too crazy about meeting Dom again after their awkward practice ring incident, even if he did have a cute ruffian look going on. "Um..."  
  
"Great!" cried Raoul. "Kel, you have no idea how much of a weight that is off of my shoulders! It saves me so much time! Thank you! I will not forget this!" He disappeared from the hall just as quickly as he had come, the people parting for him once again.  
  
Neal put down his spoon and looked at Kel, folding his hands on the table. "So, do tell."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It seems quite clear to me that you were none too eager to accept that request. Now, what's going on with Dom?"  
  
Kel frowned and blew on her soup. "Nothing, Neal."  
  
Neal leaned in close, whispering conspiratorially. "Did he put beetles in your stew? Because he used to do that to me all the time when we were boys, and then he did it to me again last Midwinter, for 'old times sake'," Neal snorted disgustedly, expressing clearly to Kel with a small raise of his chin that he thought Dom was being 'so immature' and below him.  
  
"No, Neal, Dom did not put beetles in my stew."  
  
"Well, what did he do, then?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
"Liar!"  
  
"Neal!"  
  
"Liar!"  
  
"I hate it when you get like this. Nothing happened."  
  
"PANTS ON FIRE!"  
  
Several people looked up and glared at Neal. He smiled sheepishly and waved, "Carry on with your meals, everyone! I promise the Lady Knight won't bother you again! Eh heh heh!" They muttered and turned away.  
  
Neal breathed a sigh of relief, then began again. "Now, Kel... Kel?"   
  
He caught a glimpse of her boot rounding the corner. The letter was gone. Neal pursed his lips and managed to convince himself that he was not in the least affected by Kel's disappearance. He slurped noisily at his soup, muttering darkly, and then, on second thought, began to check for beetles.  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
The Own were sitting with their suppers in the barracks mess hall, draping themselves over the chairs with their plates balanced precariously in their laps, while at the same time, drinking, carousing, playing cards, and telling dirty jokes. The dirty jokes died down once Keladry of Mindelan entered the room, however. As the men noticed her presence, they raised their tankards and saluted her, grinning fondly. Kel waved, and made her way over to Lerant, who was relating some tale of his exploits with a couple comrades. Kel tapped him on the shoulder and he smiled crookedly at her. "Well, if it isn't the Lady Knight,"  
  
Kel smiled back. "Hello, Lerant. Have you seen Dom?"  
  
"He's in his private quarters."  
  
"Private quarters?" Dom usually liked to be in with his men.  
  
"Yeah, he's not been quite himself the past few days, though he's putting on a good show for us. Think it's lady trouble,"  
  
Kel made extra careful she didn't flinch at that. "Well, I'll just go find out what's wrong, huh?"  
  
Lerant snorted into his ale tankard. "Good luck, for all that'll bring you."  
  
Unsettled by her conversation with the standard bearer, Kel set off through the throngs of men until she reached the sergeants' quarters. She knocked on the wrong door once, and was directed to Dom's rooms by a friendly man with a close cropped yellow beard.  
  
Knocking briskly, Kel prepared herself to get this over as quickly as possible. Lerant has effectively squelched her hopes that Dom's flirting had been some sign of favour, and what with the awkward conversation earlier, the only thing keeping her here was the letter and Dom's unfortunate appearance.  
  
There was a sound of scuffling, and then the door opened to reveal Dom, much in the same state as he had been earlier, except now his hair looked a little worse, if that was possible. "Kel!" he exclaimed, obviously surprised.  
  
"I just brought you a letter from Lord Raoul."  
  
Dom looked at the parchment in her hand and took it gingerly. "Uh, thank you." He examined the parchment for a few seconds, then looked up to see her waiting expectantly. "Won't you come in?"   
  
"I hope it's not something else I have to look into," sighed Dom as he closed the door behind her and made his way over to the desk to sit.  
  
Kel gave him a sympathetic smile. "Isn't that always it? Just when you think you have it done, there's another pile of papers to sift through." Her eyes searched for a place to sit. The bed looked comfortable, but Kel blushed even at the thought of sitting on Dom's bed. She sat on the only other place available.  
  
When Dom looked up again, planning to ask her why Raoul had sent her with the letter, he found it hard to conjure the words. Kel was sitting on the clothes chest at the end of the bed, one leg crossed over the other, twisting her foot in midair to a silent beat. Her head was tilted back so she could look at the view through the window, and the last light of the sunset shone through her hair, making her look hallowed in a soft orange glow. She was sitting on the clothes chest. Dom knew what was in the clothes chest. That same thing she was looking for this morning. "I know it's when I'm least expecting it that it'll turn up." she'd said. How horribly true. He gulped nervously and ran his hand through his hair, only to get them stuck in the tangles. He cursed struggled for a few moments, trying to get the stubborn strands to release their hold on his fingers, when he heard a small chuckle and a cool hand stilled his own. It started to pull gently to free his fingers, causing barely any pain at all. Dom stayed stock still, waiting as the lady knight returned his hand to him with a smile. "We have to do something about your hair, Dom. It looks as if you'll be expecting nestlings in the spring!" She giggled, a rare and pleasurable sound.  
  
Dom stared at her with an odd expression for quite sometime, so much that Kel blushed and began to back out of the room. "Well, it's been nice seeing you, Dom. I really have to get going,"  
  
Dom stood quickly. "Kel, I--"  
  
"Bye!"  
  
The door shut with a small click, and the sergeant slumped back into his chair. He felt worse than he had in days, but something persuaded him to reach for his comb. 


	3. The Thief Revealed

A/N: Please take this chapter as a peace offering for neglecting my duties as a writer and not updating for an especially lengthy period of time. I am guilty of sloth, one of the Seven Deadly Sins.... .. ... .  
Sloths are cool!!!

ahem. ahem.... Here goes nothin'.

The Last Chapter

Dom was depressed.  
  
So depressed in fact, that he drowned himself in a vat of tomato soup.  
  
Kel was sad.  
  
Her breastband was buried with him.  
  
Kel bought a new one on sale.

The End.

Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha.... hem.......  
  
WHAT?!  
  
You want the real chapter, don't you?  
  
Oh well.  
  
Here it is, then.  
  
Geez.  
  
Well, --I-- thought it was funny.  
  
sigh  
  
I have to go see my therapist. 

  
  
The Thief Revealed

I was ready. This was it. The only way to rid myself of that plague of a breastband and all the guilt and shame and bad hygiene it brought with it. It would all be over by today, and I would once again be able to look Kel in the eyes. Freedom at last. It had taken a great deal of pondering to reach this point.

First, of course, I managed to drag a comb through my hair and get a shave, so I looked like my usual self. Kel had given me a relieved smile when she saw the change, but just between you and me, I think she kind of liked the bristle. Anyway, for the next few days, I occupied myself with thinking up of all the ways to get rid of the evidence. Burning it. Throwing it into the sea. Shredding it into little tiny pieces and letting them blow away with the wind. Feeding it to the hounds. Sewing it into a patchwork quilt. Even dying it pink and sending it to Neal as a gift from a secret admirer (which was very tempting). But the fact was, that would mean I was destroying Kel's property after flirting with her and stealing her lingerie, and these ideas became so unattractive to me that I was forced to think of some way to return the damned thing. That brought different ideas, the most promising of which I tried, with no success.

First, knowing that Kel liked to take walks in the palace gardens, I strolled along for an hour, keeping myself hidden until she happened along, at which point I planned to carelessly drop the breastband into her path and casually wander off, leaving her to find it and cry out her happiness at her reunion with her most prized piece of underwear. It was flawless. Flawless I tell you. And it would have worked if she had indeed noticed it, but instead, she walked right over it and left it lying in the path. I was forced to retrace my steps and discreetly pick up the undergarment, then scurry back to my rooms to formulate a new plan of attack.

I tried next hiding it in a book of old army records that Kel had been working her way through. However, Lord Wyldon found it first. His eyes went wide, then he looked cautiously around him before closing the book again and putting it quickly back on the shelf. He never even went near that section of the library again. I thought it would be a good idea to retrieve the breastband from the book lest it be discovered by someone else less honourable.

Finally resorting to less creative means, I tried to send it in a box signed "anonymous", but when I instructed the messenger that my identity was to be kept secret, he gave me a little sort of smile that suggested he might suffer from a small bout of amnesia on the job and tell Kel everything about her mysterious benefactor she wanted to know.

As if that didn't unsettle me, I caught him trying to open the box and have a little peak while I was out of the room getting my purse. I politely told him that his services would no longer be needed and promptly booted him out the door. Cursing, I set the box down on my desk and shook my head. You want something done, do it yourself, my father always told me. And this was no different.

Yes, that's right. I would have to boldly go where no man had gone before: into Kel's rooms.

Well, actually, men have been there before. Tobe, Neal, Merric, Cleon, Neal, Lord Raoul, Prince Roald, Kel's brothers, Kel's father, me, lots of other people.... Okay, so men have been there before for parties and meetings and stuff. And so have women for that matter. But that's not the point. The point is......... I forgot the point, but anyway, I was going to have to go into Kel's rooms. Uh, yeah.

Moving on.

Nearly everyone in Kel's hall in the palace belonged to the military in some way and therefore that meant that they were out drinking and carousing all they could while they were home, at a meeting or ball of some sort, or inside doing paperwork. This worked to my advantage. Lord Raoul was having one of his little parties in his rooms again and Kel was going to be there, as well as yours truly. Of course, I planned to stay a while, give some obscure reason for slipping out, then race to Kel's rooms, pick the lock (a little something I picked up, though from where I am not at liberty to say), put Kel's damned breastband back into her wardrobe, and skedaddle back to my rooms to busy myself with something with the appearance of importance. As I left the party, my stomach lurched with nervousness and I closely examined every shadow. I jumped at every noise and carefully made my footsteps soft. I had worn loose breeches so that no one would notice the lump of the breastband in my pocket, but I could feel it pressing against my leg and it made me feel guiltier than ever. As I reached her door, I pulled out my lock pick. The door was so easy to coax open I winced and decided to talk to Kel about maybe getting a better, more sturdy lock. I was just about to enter when I heard footsteps coming up the hall. I had just shut the door again when Kel came into view. Quickly, I crept into the shadows just beyond her rooms and walked out of them again, trying to appear casual. Casual Dom. The lady knight noticed me and gave me a surprised smile. "Dom, I thought you'd turned in for the night! What are you doing here?"

"Just getting some fresh air before bed." Oh yeah, I'm smooth.

"Don't people usually get fresh air _out_side?" asked Kel quizzically.

"Heh heh, well, I suppose so." Yeah. Real smooth. "Did you leave early as well?"

A grimace. "I have a raging headache. Couldn't stand the noise."

Concern was growing inside me. Even in the dim light, she didn't look so well. Better get her something. "Do you want me to nip down for a tonic?"

"OH, no you don't have to do tha--"

"Nonsense, it's nothing. I'll be right back." I made my way down to the kitchens, and after allowing myself a few moments to enjoy the satisfaction of being Kel's sergeant in shining armour, a new scheme formed in my mind. I would bring the tonic in to Kel and slip the infernal breastband into some nook or cranny, then exit the premises, Kel being none the wiser. And it made me feel much more honest than when I was going to break in. Everybody wins in this one. I get rid of the breastband, I'm happy, Kel gets her breastband, she's happy. Everybody's happy! Yay for happiness!

When I returned, I found Kel curled up on her bed, looking miserable. With the look she gave me you would have thought I played the harp, had acquired a halo, and flitted about the clouds in my spare time. I kinda like that idea, actually. Except for the 'flitting about'. For obvious reasons. I am, after all, a sergeant of the Own. Back to the story.  
She sipped the tonic delicately as I sat beside her, grimacing and wincing the whole way through, but finally managing to get it down. "Thanks Dom," she said looking up at me from her slump, "I don't know what I would do without you." I forced a smile, but inside my stomach gave that nervous lurch again. We were so close, I could feel her breath warming my face. From this distance, her eyes seemed impossibly large, and I could see each individual fleck of green in them. The long dark lashes curling over to hood them made her look strangely seductive. Her lips were soft and moist looking. I wondered how they'd ta-

Kel got up abruptly, holding a hand to her head to stave off the dizziness that accompanied the suddenness of the action. "Whooo, what was in that tonic, huh? I think I'm getting a little overheated." She hurried into the other room the wash her face.

It was only after she came back that I realized I'd missed my chance to get rid of the breastband, and so I slipped my gloves out of my tunic and placed them on the floor just half under the bed where Kel wouldn't notice them.

We sat some more in uncomfortable silence until Kel stood up, eager to end this awkward meeting, declaring that she had to tell Buri she might not make it to her dinner party tomorrow. I gallantly offered to take the message myself, but she insisted on going, saying that a walk would do her good. I prevailed on her again to allow my assistance, but she refused again and I gave up.

We said our goodnights at the door, and I made sure I unlocked it on my way out. I watched Kel trudge along to Raoul's rooms, groaning and pressing a hand to her forehead miserably. I smiled fondly, and once she was out of sight, I waited about five minutes, just in case, then carried out my plan.

* * *

Kel was deeply regretting not letting Dom go to Buri for her. The throbbing ache just behind her eyes was threatening to drive her mad. It would have been so much easier, Dom trotting off on his mission and her curling into a ball onto her bed and succumbing to the effects of the tonic. Why hadn't she said yes? Dom was being so nice to her. But that's the way he was with all his friends. So compassionate. So sympathetic. So funny. So good-looking.

Kel was so lost in these thoughts that she bumped right into Buri. Once over the surprise, Kel recovered. "Sorry Buri, just off in my own world!"

"I know the feeling."

"Funny, you're just the person I was looking for."

"Am I?"

Kel quickly told her her news, and Buri was sorry she couldn't come but maybe another time and she would be missed because it was guaranteed that she probably wouldn't hear much sense spoken except from the queen but still that's only one person and so on. They had a short conversation, then Kel used her headache to save her once again and plodded back to her rooms feeling worse than ever.

When she arrived, she found that her key was not needed, as the door was already open. That's odd, she thought, I could have sworn I'd locked it. Her headache faded away to the least of her worries. She opened the door quietly and crept inside. No one in the front hall. She was probably just being overcautious, but you could never be too careful. There was a rustle from the bedroom. Kel took her glaive down from the rack and proceeded with more caution than ever. Peering into the room, she thought she saw the stooped form of a man over by the bed. Her feet made no sound on the soft rug as she ventured forward a few more steps in a crouch. She was raising the glaive just as the boards creaked under her foot and the man jumped to face her. The glaive came swooping down, catching him in the stomach and knocking the wind out of him. He stumbled back with a grunt, but Kel was on him in a second and they struggled for a moment, she trying to render him unconscious and he simply trying to regain his breath. By the time he could gasp "KEL!" they had both tumbled back into the wardrobe and it rained shirts, pants, dresses, and unmentionables, while a particular article in a sky blue flew high in the air and was lost in the confusion. Some moonlight filtered in through the window and Kel was able to see at last the 'thief' she was now lying on top of. "Dom! Wha... What are you doing here?"

Dom winced, feeling as if his ribs had been crushed to powder, and weakly held up his gloves with a grin. "Gloves."

Kel knitted her brows in concern. "Are you alright? I'm afraid I hit you pretty hard."

"Not that hard. Nothing I can't take."

Kel managed to help him to his feet, shoving the broken wardrobe door off of them and untangling them from the mess. They stared at each other, Kel wincing as her head ache returned with a vengeance, and Dom with a bruise darkening rapidly on his cheek. They stood in silence for a while amidst the chaos they had created on Kel's bedroom floor. Kel winced again and scrunched up her face, Dom hesitantly prodded his cheek. Their eyes met. The comedy of the situation became apparent. Slowly, Dom's lips curled into a grin. Kel let out a half snort, half laugh. They were soon in stitches, trying to support each other as the laughter threatened to split Kel's head open and crack Dom's bruised ribs.

The sergeant gasped for breath, clutching his ribs. "What a pair we are!"

"What a pair indeed!" Kel laughed, leaning forward onto his chest for support as she struggled to recover herself. The last few chuckles were just working their way out when she noticed he'd stopped laughing. Alarmed, Kel raised her head to see what was the matter, just as his lips met hers in a kiss. Or, at least, what she hoped was reality because, well, it goes without saying, a kiss from Dom was hardly something that happened everyday, and when it did happen Kel was rather inclined to think it one of her silly little daydreams, letting her imagination get away from her.

But it certainly was reality, because she could feel the warmth of his mouth and his breath, now coming quickly and unevenly. As if hers wasn't. Still, as he broke away, Kel had to give herself a few seconds to get a grip, and she was glad it came to her quickly, because in another moment Dom was leaning back for more and Kel forgot about pretty much everything.

She released her tight grip on his tunic to slide her hands over his broad shoulders and around his neck. The lady knight was just about to let her fingers sink into the sergeant's hair when she encountered something stuck to his collar. With some difficulty, she opened her eyes and drew her attention (if not her lips) away from Dom's kiss and examined the object.

Her blue breastband. Well, wasn't that always how it went, finding something when you least expect it. This was possibly taking it to the extreme. It must've gotten caught there when they crashed into the wardrobe. The damned thing was here all along. That made sense, didn't it?

Then, Dom's tongue flicked across her bottom lip and Kel closed her eyes again, flinging the breastband into the pile at their feet with everything else. What did it matter anyway? Now, it was finally time to run her hands through that hair.

The End. Thank GOD.

A/N: I don't know about you, but it seems like I write a lot about Kel beating Dom up by mistake. Or maybe it's just me, cuz I can only think of Branches and Trickery. I dunno. Poor Dom. Always getting the shit kicked out of him. Anyway, this one's done. Finally. On to A Tale of Two Cousins I suppose. Tally ho.


End file.
